How Learning Myself Changed the Way I Lead
Over the last few years, I’ve done some of the hardest inner work of my life.
It didn’t start as a leadership journey. It started as survival.
It began with personal loss—loss that seemed to stack one on top of another, stretching me emotionally in ways I didn’t know how to name at the time. Just as I was trying to find my footing again, that grief was followed by deep disappointment at work. Disappointment in systems and leaders that were meant to support schools and people, but instead created misalignment, tension, and quiet harm.
There were moments during that season when I felt lower than I ever had in my life.
And yet, looking back now, I hold that time with immense gratitude.
Not because it was easy—it wasn’t. But because the learning, healing, and self-awareness that came from those years are things I could not have gained any other way. The journey changed me. And it changed the way I lead.
The purpose of this blog is to share that journey.
To talk honestly about what I once believed made a great leader—and what I came to understand later about myself. About how many of the traits I once embraced as strengths were actually rooted in survival. About what happens when awareness replaces autopilot, and healing begins to reshape how you show up in the world.
Let me start by saying that two of my favorite roles in education have been teacher and principal. That progression always made sense to me—because at its core, the word principal means the lead teacher of the school. Teaching and leading have always felt deeply connected for me.
And while the role of principal has been one of the most meaningful chapters of my career, it has also been the most challenging—but not for the reasons most people assume. It wasn’t the workload or the pace. It was the disappointment. The realization that the systems I believed in, and the leadership structures meant to support schools, often fell short of their purpose.
When those external structures began to falter, I was forced to look inward.
I started asking myself deeper questions: Why do I lead the way I do? What do I stand for? And what happens when my values no longer align with the systems I’m operating in?
Those questions became the catalyst for some of the deepest work I’ve ever done on myself.
Over time, I began to understand something I hadn’t seen clearly before. I didn’t fully know myself when I first became a principal. And that’s not something I say with judgment—it’s something I say with compassion.
What I didn’t understand then—but see clearly now—is that many of the leadership skills I relied on were born out of survival. I was highly attuned. Deeply responsible. Always anticipating needs. Always holding things together. Those traits were praised. They looked like strength. And for a long time, they worked.
But they also came at a cost.
I didn’t yet have the language to understand that something can be both effective and unsustainable at the same time.
The mental and emotional healing I’ve done over the last few years has fundamentally changed the way I lead. My leadership could no longer be rooted in compliance or quiet endurance of systems that depleted me. I learned that sustainable leadership requires alignment—between values and action, between who you are and how you show up every day.
Healing myself meant healing my leadership.
And that is the heart of this blog.
I believe deeply in leadership—not just in titles or roles, but in how we lead our lives. I believe in leading myself in the areas that matter most: my health, my well-being, my growth, and my joy. That includes learning to care for myself more intentionally—through exercise, rest, travel, self-expression, and yes, even the simple joys of style, skincare, and confidence that reflect who I am on the inside. As a woman in my forties, these things matter to me now more than ever.
I also want to be clear about one thing: I’m still figuring this out.
There are areas of my life and leadership where I am actively growing, refining, and learning. This journey isn’t about perfection or having it all together. It’s about intention.
Things are still messy—but not chaotically messy. They’re reflective, intentional messy. The kind of messy that comes from asking hard questions, making thoughtful choices, learning from missteps, and continuing forward with awareness and purpose.
That same intentional messiness shows up in how I navigate relationships, too. I believe in meaningful friendships and in truly getting to know people, because I find inspiration in the journeys of others. And I believe in honest conversations about the things we don’t always get right—like relationships, heartbreak, and the complicated process of learning to choose yourself. I’m still figuring some of that out, and I plan to share that, too.
This blog is my next step.
A place to share my journey openly—the mistakes, the lessons, the moments of doubt, and the moments of clarity. A place to talk honestly about school leadership, yes—but also about leading life with intention, courage, and heart.
If you’re here reading this, thank you.
Thank you for believing that the beautiful and messy parts of our stories deserve to be told.
My hope is that this space gives you permission—to reflect, to grow, to redefine what leadership looks like for you, and to keep moving forward even when the path feels uncertain or different than you once imagined.
Because that’s what I’m choosing to do.
Imperfectly.
Authentically.
And I’m so glad you’re here to walk this journey with me.
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